the mess

tired and almost falling, i begin to doubt my hope.
where is that beacon i have been hoping to see?
could it be that i am living a bright life with just a light in mind and not in sight.
i refuse to see myself as a utility yet it is the nearest that i can be.
if i am to journey on a stony dirt road all along, i should not have opted for legs.
like that from a song 'how many times can i break til i shatter...'

Sunday

A prayer left by the pew of a school church:
'I wanted this life to end already, rather than let myself sin any further. I could not understand and figure out your will and plans for me, much more accept what is happening. oh Lord save me...'

HOPE

When you think something will change in what is not already, when you think a miracle is possible in such cases, when you refuse to admit that what was said will never change, that is hope.
How is that different from in denial.
If you have something to live for, what is keeping you from dying once it is gone?
I figured out you can still live, only without a heart.

Success story

Someday I won't need to solicit deep feelings of emotion from someone, that day when my presence is as natural as the sky with variable characters as it is with the weather. Someday the most anticipated season will be the exposition of vows, eternal as it can.
That will be my success story.

Life's Surprises are so Predictable

I don't know why i have to place this defective battery in between me and my keyboard...
...never an inspiration, but it does share a little bit of its charge.

I try to walk along with the traffic, unmindful of my pace i let the other vehicles pass me by. for almost a year now i feel like i am plateauing in life. i can't seem to push myself up anymore, just cruising. i am not worried, and that worries me.

...after a few minutes

God answered

ward sippings

ironic, there ain't no coffee to sip.
Its my first night here since i arrived early this morning. I wonder why after that 8-hour trip dozing along the way am still feeling out of sleep.
Right now am in a clinic ward watching over my dad with a terrible infection to his leg, i don't think i will be sleeping well. Where's that coffee when i badly need one!
Talk about undeserved suffering, there's nothing we can do about it. That 8-hour trip was all about acknowledging God and His supremacy, though not in a charismatic way. Everything that happens in this world are part of the process of His will being executed. We do have control over choosing from our options but the outcome has always a degree of risk, and uncertainty. Even a fraction of a degree can totally turn things oqposite to what we hope for.