closing out the light (21 june 2009)

'...undeserved suffering, even if my intention is good and done what is right...' excerpts from a prayer.

july 28 2009

a few minutes ago God answered.

We are all bothered at night
by the whispers of our mistakes
We envy people who are able to sleep
without lurking snakes
and pillows that don't contain
words like "you don't have what it takes"

But when these words come crashing
and raging towards you
Don't let their amplified waves
pierce through you
Keep in mind that you're the one
who has the profound strength to get through
Not them, but you


----I don't know who said this nor who wrote this on the notepad on my pc...oh well, worth keeping...

Memo1

here is something to remember you with pa.....
...'tis been four years now, your passing is still felt, we've let go already since, but you are just too great to not miss :-) , see ya pa!

Dear Pa,

how are you? how is it there at the other side? how does it feel to be not worrying or not feeling pain in the heart? i have always prayed that you and ma be spared from suffering and pain when you were still here. i never wondered then whether my prayers were heard. i even prayed that i be spared from pains of the heart, but then i wondered whether my prayers were even heard. i guess not, until now they aren't.

 Ma is fine, manong is not. i just can't understand why he can't get to his wits and fix himself. feeling sorry for ones self is an affliction to the weak, why is he weak? i guess that's the same question you have been asking too before.

 Pa, maybe you will never show yourself to me anymore, but i still remember you everyday as i say my prayers. yes, i still pray even if it is not heard. i know that, because my heart is still in pain.

 Pa, thank you very much.

 Lovingly,
Budz

Bajo la Luz de una luna azul

I am as stagnant as water trapped inside a tree cavity.
Coping has led me to a grayish state of sight, no rain no sunshine.
Just a wound that lost its sensitivity from the blade of liquid lime,
when will I get to be true to myself...

i don't know