Page One

right now i am reminded of my page one, that moment that gave me the inspiration to write things about my subliminal life.

it just rained and the leaves from the trees stick to me like some sand grain onto a magnet. i don't feel any fairness right now. no sun, gloomy afternoon, wet pavement, and dirty soles.

i thought that when you are at the bottom of things it will be all uphill from there, i was wrong.
for there is hell, much lower than anyone can imagine. i am not there yet but what i see and feel right now is nothing close to a speckle of heaven. ironically i never knew heaven, i just wished for it several times, several times i was turned down. God save my soul for i scavenge for whatever that can i think of resembling the one thing i wish for, maybe i found it, several times, but then again i was scavenging on the lot that is forsaken.

if i feel small now it is not because all the eyes are looking down on me, but because not one eye glances at me for i am too small to be noticed, too small, that after the rain has wet the pave i just stick to your soles like some blade of grass.