sitting down...

back when i was a kid i enjoyed private schools and city malls, things that my parents worked hard for, specially the school. Other than that there were no expensive toys nor lavish way of life. I got the private school and the city living that's all, all i dreamed of was to grow up and change this way of life, i wanted a better one.
years passed and the family had a new generation of members. by now i have learned the value of what i had, only had, when i was a kid. but there is one thing, what i have dreamed of. i never was that person able to change our way of life. right in front of me i see kids moving from a private school to a public one due to the price of the former.
By now i come to realize fully what i have been. I hate myself for not being able to realize the value of what i had when i was a kid. i hate myself for not being able to follow that dream i had when i was a kid. i hate myself for not being assertive when i was younger. i hate myself because i feel helpless in making things better around me.
what am i.